Why do couples in Korea have to perform so much?

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Question

i’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years now and honestly the pressure to “look like a couple” here is killing me. every weekend it’s like we have to plan matching outfits do coord photos at some insta spot then post it all like we’re some kind of couple influencers. last saturday we spent three hours trying to get the perfect han river pic and all i wanted was to just sit and eat dumplings in peace.

she’s really into the aesthetic part of it and i get that it’s fun for her but sometimes i feel like we’re not even us when we’re out. like we’re performing for strangers and our feed more than actually connecting. i brought it up once and she said “but this is just what couples do here” and i get that but why does being together have to feel like a production.

i love her i really do but i hate how drained i feel after every outing. and i’m scared if i keep pushing she’ll think i don’t care or i’m not proud of us (we don’t hold hands much in public still kinda nervy about it). but also why does being gay in a couple mean we have to overcompensate by being extra picture perfect. am i just over it or is this real

Fatima Khan · Answer

same. i was with my korean gf for three years and i totally get that exhaustion. we hit peak couple-performace when we spent an entire sunday trying to nail a coffee shop aesthetic shot — me in a beige turtleneck in july. felt like a dang extra on a k-drama set.

what finally helped was carving out low-key time just for us, no cameras. started small — like telling her “this one’s offline” before we grabbed street tteokbokki on the way home. no pics, no coords, just us. turned into this little ritual every other week.

also tried flipping the script — instead of fighting the aesthetic thing, i’d suggest spots *i* liked. found this tiny dumpling place in gangnam with red plastic stools and zero vibes — took her there, let her style the shot, then immediately ate three plates while making loud chewing sounds. she laughed. we still went to the han river after but the pressure eased when she saw i wasn’t rejecting her joy, just needing my own version too.

it’s okay to want quiet

Why do couples in Korea have to perform so much?

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